I would like to recommend this article. I showed it to my husband and asked if the list was on point and he nodded enthusiastically. There are things your husband needs that you might not be aware of…so, read through, show your husband if you will, and commit to meeting your husband’s needs in a practical way.
1. Men want their wives to say “I love you.”
After years of being married, don’t assume that your husband knows how much you love him. Express your love for him — in words and actions — and do so daily, advised Charles Schmitz, who authored the book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage with his wife Elizabeth.
“The old adage that ‘I don’t need to tell him because he already knows‘ is absolutely false,” Schmitz said. “Men want to be told they are loved. Make it a habit of telling your husband that you love him and why you love him multiple times a day.”
2. Men want their space, especially after an argument.
Don’t take umbrage or feel bad because he’d rather stay home and watch the game than go Christmas shopping with you. We all need a break from coupledom sometimes. And if your spouse needs some time apart after an argument or disagreement, your best bet is to give him that, said Anne Crowley, a psychologist based in Austin, Texas.
“When a couple gets into an argument, it’s not uncommon for the wife to continue to pursue the husband, especially as he withdraws,” she said. “This dynamic is detrimental to both people: The wife is seeking resolution and pursues and the husband is feeling attacked and moves away, reinforcing the cycle.”
Let your partner cool down and process things before trying to address the issue, said Crowley, and “try to manage your anxiety about needing immediacy.”
3. Men want their wives to initiate sex.
Men want to feel wanted. That’s the long and short of it. Having to gently ask, “so, how about tonight?” again and again, especially if you’re mostly getting turned down, becomes demoralizing after a while, said Kurt Smith, a Northern California-based marriage and family therapist who specializes in counseling for men.
“Men tell me in counseling that they wish their wives would initiate sex, be more spontaneous about sex, do things to spice it up and make it more exciting and different,” he said. “They want to be teased with the anticipation of having sex Saturday night.”
4. Men want to be heard.
Just because your spouse is slow to respond in the middle of an argument or conversation doesn’t mean he’s less invested in the marriage than you are. Some people just need a little more time to process an issue, said Crowley.
“Frustrated women can have a lot to say and most times men are quiet and let their wives speak,” the psychologist said. “Women tend to be faster processors than men so it’s not uncommon in therapy (and at home) for a wife to ask her husband a question, have him pause to consider an answer, while she continues talking over him.”
If you’re the more reserved spouse, this dynamic can be hugely frustrating. What’s more, Crowley said it often results in the silent treatment.
“The belief often expressed from guys is, ‘She doesn’t really care what I have to say,'” she explained. “If you really want to know what your husband thinks or feels about a topic, give him time to respond. He wants to contribute and be heard; slow down, take a breath and let him participate in the conversation.”
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