It is something that many of us may never contemplate, cheating on a partner. And we all know how heartbreaking it is if someone you love has cheated on you, but when it comes to dealing with the person, do we all know how to deal with them and the situation properly? A lot of us, on the news that our partner has gone behind our back, can immediately fly off the handle and do something that we might regret. So what is the best way to deal with a cheating partner?
“Is This True?”
Before you jump to conclusions you may want to actually confirm this yourself or from somebody you trust. Because is it someone trying to throw a spanner in the mix just to mess with you two, like a jealous ex, or is there actually proof in the pudding? Depending on your own perspective of the situation, you may be tempted to hire a private investigator and, believe it or not, there are lots of suspicious partners who hire private investigators so they can catch their partner in the act. You can have a look at https://www.investigators.net.au/private-investigation-services/cheating-partners-investigations/ and see that there are plenty of reasons to hire a private investigator in this respect. The motivation behind hiring a private investigator can usually be related to a legal complication such as uncovering hidden assets. And so if there is more to your relationship at stake, then this may be a method to go down. If you have thought about it and found this to be a viable option you need to be prepared, because if it’s true, it isn’t gonna be pretty!
“How Will I Cope?”
If you found out that somebody you love has cheated, it can feel like the world is crashing in at this very moment, but it’s important that you stay calm and avoid reacting impulsively. The best thing to do in the circumstances is to turn into a trusted friend to get some all-important moral support. It’s so tempting to lash out of the person and want to make them suffer, but if you’ve got more at stake than just the two of you. For example, if you have children, then it’s vital that you don’t do something you may regret down the line. A lot of us turn to social media to vent our frustrations now, and while it may feel good to blow off steam in this manner, whatever you post could be used against you, especially if you are making defamatory comments! Besides, look at https://definedbythrine.wordpress.com/2016/11/10/10-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-air-your-dirty-laundry-on-facebook/ if you really want some reasons to not air your dirty laundry in public! So keep a lid on it for now because if you decide to tell everybody, it may backfire on you if you both decide to stay together and mend your relationship.
“How Do I Address The Issue?”
There is never easy method to bring this subject up with a partner but there are things you should try and avoid. Relationship experts advise against setting a truth trap where you try to get them to confess. It’s more important to be direct and show them what evidence you have found of them being unfaithful. Ultimately there are a lot of questions you will want answered, like if this is been going on for a while or if the affair will be stopped. It is at this point you will need to address what it is about your relationship that caused the partner to stray.
“How Can We Fix This?”
As a couple and a partnership, you both need to look at the bare bones of the relationship and see, firstly, if it is salvageable, or if it’s worth you both parting ways. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship or a marriage with children there’s a lot more to think about, especially if you have a home and foundations built with your partner. It’s at this point that you both need to be honest about each other in terms of how you’ve been valuing the relationship. You need to discuss if there is an underlying reason why the cheating happened. And while this doesn’t excuse the behavior, it may highlight something in your relationship that needed addressing a long time ago, such as if your partner is feeling neglected or unvalued, or even feeling like they’re being mistreated. If you can get to the reason why there is a fault in your relationship, you can begin to make the appropriate steps in the right direction.
“How Can I Fix This?”
It’s your right to try and fix this however you can if you feel that it is worth the trouble. The easiest thing you could do in this process is to play the victim but this doesn’t help to get the ball rolling to fix the problems. If you are playing the victim and pointing the finger at the cheater this means you are putting up barriers between you and your partner. It’s in these circumstances that counselling sessions prove very successful. By having a decent spell of counselling, individually and as a couple, it will help you both to address some deep rooted problems within your relationship as well as in your own personality so you can both move on. Ultimately, in every relationship there is a lack of communication in a one way or another, and this is magnified if your partner has cheated. The infidelity could be a symptom of a larger problem, so you need to get to grips with your own faults as well as theirs.
“How Do I Want To Move On?”
After a certain amount of time has passed you may have both decided on how best to progress with the relationship. You may have had productive counselling sessions and decided that you are both to blame in one way or another. But you may have also decided that your differences are very apparent right now, and this infidelity has only served to highlight the fact that you are both different people now, in which case separation could be a completely logical option for the both of you. If this is the case, you need to both come at it from an angle of decorum, especially if you have dependents. Cheating is an inexcusable behavior, but if you feel extremely betrayed, yet you can’t imagine your life without them, it can be a very difficult dilemma for you.
“Can We Save The Relationship?”
If you have decided that the relationship is worth saving, hopefully the counselling sessions will give you the tools you need to get the relationship back on track. However if you are unable to get professional help, it’s important to start building the relationship up slowly because you may realise that it gets to a point where your partner is 100% back in your life but it doesn’t feel right anymore. In which case a trial separation may be the way for both of you to get that all-important space, but also for you to realise if you can live without them or not. Time away from any partner, regardless of infidelity or not, will always help you to highlight the importance of your relationship.
“Will I Get Over This?”
For so many of us, cheating is absolutely non-negotiable. If they cheat, they’re out the door! But it’s hard not to feel emotionally scarred by this because it is a major incident to betray your trust. Whether you and your partner have split up or you have decided to give it another chance, it’s vital that you rebuild a sense of trust, not just with the partner, but in yourself too. The healing process is a long road for any of us to go down, and even though time heals all wounds, you need to find a way to forgive yourself so you can move on from this. If you find that it is impossible for you to move on you will forever be playing the role of victim in this, you will never be able to forgive your partner, which will mean a slow and steady decline in your relationship and they may even do it again! You need to do what you can in order to fully comprehend why they did what they did in the first place, and you need to get to a point where you are ready to forgive, and not necessarily forget, but to make a break with the past.
It is something so many of us have gone through, but you need to remain level-headed and as emotionally strong as you can in order to survive this. A lot of couples have been through this and have come out the other side better for it. So you need to do what you can to make this work, if you feel the relationship is salvageable at all. Breaking someone’s trust is unforgivable in many people’s books but if you feel you can regain your ability to trust in that person again in your heart of hearts, it is a long road, but it is something that can be accomplished.