Saying the words, I love you, probably comes really easy to you. If you are a couple who married each other and are in love, it comes very naturally. But then the children begin to arrive (or maybe there are delays) and the pressures of life begin to set in, then it becomes harder and harder to say the words and actually mean them. At the end of it all, love is what you do.
This happens to be a regular pattern with most marriages…actually I would be bold and say it is a pattern with ALL marriages. When I stumbled upon this post, her words really resonated with me. The writer shared how having a second baby completely changed the dynamics of their marriage. Love took on a different meaning for them and survival was the name of the game. This expression really stood out to me:
“Forget words of affirmation and quality time; there was a new love language in our house: sacrifice. I got up early so he could sleep for 30 extra minutes. He stayed home with both kids so I could leave the house wearing real pants. Ironically, the best way we showed love to each other last year was by giving the other person time to sleep or do something fun with their friends. We showed love to one another by being apart, not by being together.”
And that is the way it should be…marriage is about learning what expression of love works best for you both at every stage in time. What you need to fill your love-needs consistently changes as your marriage evolves, and it is what you do that speaks volumes of your love. According to the writer, “when it comes to love and marriage, words usually aren’t enough.”
There is no doubt that love needs to be proactive. It is great to say I love you, but how do you show it? Love is beyond what you say…love is what you do.
After acknowledging their struggles and making baby steps to go past the survival stage in their love, the writer ends the post with this…
“It’s a new day, and a new year. This marriage is covered in prayer; this house is covered in grace.
I’ll show you our best love.
It will not be perfect. Nothing ever is. We will still screw up and say sorry and kiss each other in the kitchen and throw an “I love you” into the air for good measure. This is how we grow. This is how we rebuild.
This is how we show our kids what love is: something you do, not just something you say.
Love moves. Just watch us dance.”