I decided to write a bit about my journey so as to encourage someone out there, who is trying to conceive. I have shared my experience on TV, Radio and online on my blog. I also feature regularly on a weekly Health Show which airs on some of our local TV stations. I was even given an outstanding mother award by R-Wells Media, organizers of Mothers’ Day Fiesta after their MD heard my story.
People often wonder how and why I am bold enough to share a deeply private experience with strangers and to be on air. But I am not bold at all. I am compelled. For those who know me, I am an extremely reserved and private person and have very few close friends.
You might also be interested in a woman’s experience on Waiting Effectively while TTC
However, I believe there are lots of people who are currently in the situation where I have been, and I have a connectivity of empathy towards them.
I tried to conceive for 9 years before deciding to go for assisted conception in my 10th year of marriage. We went through surgeries – I had severe scarring /adhesions (Asherman’s syndrome) from a fibroid surgery that developed complications and my husband also went through Varicocele surgery.
After 2 consecutive corrective surgeries failed, I was advised to go for surrogacy as the only option to my chances of being a mother, otherwise, I would never be able to get pregnant and carry a pregnancy.
Devastated and completely knocked down by the news, but with great hope in our hearts, we decided to go outside the shores of my country Nigeria for another opinion. We went to India and I found the verdict same.
So, we started our 1st IVF /Surrogacy cycle. I must have had about 45 injections at the least. I suffered Ovarian hyperstimulation and was in horrid pain. The cycle failed.
I had yet another 4hours 30 minutes surgery to correct the Asherman’s ( my 3rd surgery in a year) and it failed again.
Without having any other medical option, we decided to try IVF again.
Our 2nd IVF surrogacy cycle started with high hopes, yet another surrogate, yet another fresh cycle, yet another about 45 injections and it failed. At that point, I wanted to give up. I didn’t want to see anyone or speak with anyone. Worse, I was 14 hours flight outside my country and living alone. It was a most trying moment, one I do not wish to live through again. EVER.
9 months later, this time about 14 months into our IVF journey, we decided to try again. One last try. Yet another white Indian surrogate, yet another fresh IVF cycle, another about 20 injections and bingo, my surrogate mother was pregnant with quadruplet embryos! Sadly, 2 embryos did not grow beyond the first 8 weeks.
Eight months later and we had a girl – boy set of twins, so adorable they wiped the 12.5 years of waiting away.
I held my babies and I must have wept buckets that night. I wept buckets again on the day my angel, my surrogate was discharged and went home. She had been my closet friend for 13 months and had given me redemption – I could not thank her enough for her selflessness and the indescribable gift of motherhood she had just given me.
My name is ‘Toyin Lolu-Ogunmade and I am an infertility survivor. I have just shared with you my true life story.
During my waiting years and my time in India, I went through training as a Fertility counsellor and now run a Family Building Consultancy. I work with couples who are trying to conceive. Part of my giving back includes scheduled Support group meetings where people get to share experiences and learn new things in the area of conception.
Having challenges with conception? You can reach me on firstname.lastname@example.org
© Ty Lolu-Ogunmade 2015
My name is ‘Toyin Lolu-Ogunmade (Ty) and I am a Chartered Human Resources Manager with 19 years experience in People Management. I have worked at Senior and Executive Management levels in the Insurance, Media, and Oil& Gas Sectors of the economy.
On a regular basis, I see women who long to have their own children. I see the pain and sorrow in their hearts through their eyes. I see the confusion sometimes and despair. A lot of them do not know what to do or where to start from. They are lonely, desperate and scared…I see these because I have been there:
I am an infertility survivor.
During my 13 years journey into motherhood, I realised I didn’t have anyone guide, counsel and advice me on what to do which, I believe, could have greatly helped me.
Coming across several women with similar experiences launched my quest for helping women find timely diagnosis and solution to their problems as well as giving them the necessary support during the process. I also realize there is still a lot of ignorance, uncertainty, stigma, myths and mystery surrounding infertility and assisted reproductive treatments which could basically be reduced by education and awareness.
With this at the front of my mind, I went through training as a Fertility Counsellor in an IVF Centre in India and now run a Family Building Consultancy. I work with couples who are trying to conceive by offering counseling, guide, advice, referrals and specialist services as required by their peculiar solutions.
Part of my giving back includes running scheduled Support group meetings where other parents in waiting get to share experiences and learn new things in the area of conception.
Let’s walk with you to victory!