An important part of marriage communication is fighting with your spouse, yet too many people are wary or afraid to fight. If your spouse is physically abusive, then it is understandable why you would not want to fight with your spouse, but if it is just that you are afraid of confrontation, then you are doing yourself and your marriage a disservice.
It is natural to fight and if it is done right, it is even healthy. It just means that you do not agree on something and you each let the other person know that you don’t agree. Of course in the process, feelings might get hurt and people might overreact. The real problem many couples face is not that they fight, it is that they do not know how to handle the fight. Fighting is not the problem, it is what you do with it that could constitute a problem.
Why you need to fight with your spouse
You might be wondering why you need to fight or quarrel with your spouse, after all you are getting along fine. However, there are some really good reasons why fighting or quarreling is a good thing.
1. You become authentic with each other
Lack of authenticity is a huge problem in marriages today. Each person hides his or her true self from the other. For most of us, we are like Shrek – wrapped in layers and when a spouse unwraps several layers and still does not get to our core, he might give up. Fighting immediately strips away all the pretenses and the real person comes out.
2 You learn each other’s boundaries
When you avoid fights, the other person does not know where to draw the line so he keeps stepping on you and pushing your boundaries. But he is not a mind reader and unless you step in and say “you can’t get away with this!” he is not going to know what is okay. Sometimes, when you stand up for yourself it could result in a fight, but that is positive because he will most likely avoid that area next time.
3. You get to understand what makes the other person tick
It is important to know what makes your spouse happy and what makes him angry. At what point will his anger turn into laughter? What is the one thing you would say or do when you are fighting that would immediately dissolve the tense atmosphere? How would you know that if you avoid fights? Fighting is a good way to know what makes your spouse tick.
4. It is a fast way to bond and become true friends
Finally, want to become close friends with your spouse, you might need to fight. When you learn how to successfully fight and reconcile without bitterness or malice, then you are on the way to one of the greatest friendships you can have on earth.