I have tried without success to understand why some people do the things they do. They go to such extremes to achieve aims that at the end of the day, do not bring any form of increase to them. Don’t ask me why, but this is a thing of concern to me. If you are wondering about the rhetorical statements, it is because I’ve noticed how hard it is for men to maintain the behaviour that they exhibited during courtship after marriage.
During courtship men are usually nice, loving and caring to a fault. But after the I DOs, it’s a whole different ballgame; almost as though they switch colours like chameleons. Is it that the love is so overwhelming that men are willing to do whatever it takes to successfully woo the women? Or is it that men are just deceitful by nature? One thing is certain, a builder will raise his building based on the foundation on ground. It is not possible to build a four-bedroom flat on the foundation of a two-bedroom.
Many men start their relationships quite well, often presenting the picture of responsible fellows who are up to the task. In fact, they go extra miles to make their women believe they are “men” in every sense of the word. More often than not, it doesn’t take long before the ladies begin to see things differently. This was the problem a close friend seemed to be have with her marriage.
Esther and her boyfriend had a wonderful relationship going for them. They were often seen together, and were the ‘perfect couple’, the envy of all their friends. He always seemed eager to please her and showered her with lots of gifts; all she had to do was ask. Life was a bed of roses with Peter in her life and so she did not have to think twice when he popped the big question. Early marriage was blissful. They were always seen together and he made her feel loved.
This state of being did not last long and in fact ended almost immediately after the birth of their first child. Peter began to crave the company of his bachelor friends and became a chronic night crawler. He completely forgot how to care for his family and was spending more time and money outside his home. This caused their relationship to drift apart. Esther not being able to bear this strange and sudden behavour, moved out of her matrimonial home.
Angela’s case is similar to what Esther went through. For Angela, her man was willing to spend any amount within his ability to make her happy. He showered praises on her cooking, making her believe her cooking was next to none. He always made sure she had enough money to do her marketing and to prepare the delicacies.
After marriage, life took a different toll. He stopped providing for her and was not even giving enough for the housekeeping. She had to make do with whatever she could get hold of and her husband began to complain about her cooking. He began to raise the rooftop at the slightest cooking error; errors like insufficient salt in the food. The bliss they had experienced was well and truly over.
These women’s experiences repeat themselves in many homes. They may not be the same, they come in different forms but they all in one way or the other cause these women unbearable pain.
This leaves me wondering why these men who were willing to bear practically anything during courtship suddenly become intolerant; what is it that makes people who believed that they each one half of a whole just drift apart? Is it that young people nowadays are too much in a hurry to study each other before cementing the union; or is it that they mistake infatuation for love? One thing is certain: the spellings of ‘marriage’ and ‘friendship’ have only a few words in common.
Why do you think people who seem to be ‘soul mates’ drift apart especially once they are married? Share your thoughts.