Before You Have Kids – Coping With the Pressure

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“God, by this time next year, let it be that we gather here once more for dedication!”

And the loud swelling chorus of “Amen!”

The pressure starts from that point. For many Nigerian marriages, the seeming goal of marriage is children.

When I got married and conceived my wedding night, my mother was not pleased at all. Some reading will think   “What a wicked woman!” Others… “Look no further for your enemy!” Contrary to all these thoughts, it was out of    concern for the marriage as a whole.

Her rationale was quite simple… You both should get to know each other better as living as husband and wife is an    entirely different phase of your relationship. I am not saying it is “wrong” to take in immediately or to even desire a baby, what I am saying is, before you cave under the societal and familial pressures:

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  • Enjoy each phase of your marriage: The time before the baby should be used to strengthen your bond with your spouse. Enjoy outings and alone time and make the best of them.
  • Do all you would like to do: Take advantage of the time you have to study, do courses and probably start a business. This is a great opportunity to advance yourself.
  • Prepare for the Children: Any mother would tell you that you do not have a “handbook” per se on being a mom but you can keep abreast of things concerning children and add to your store of knowledge. Sometimes babysit for friends and family all in preparation for your own.
  • Change your orientation: Let your time of waiting not be one of worry. Relax and as much as possible let conception not occupy your thoughts. Do not meet with your husband simply to conceive.
  • Have a strong support system:Surround yourself with encouragers. Friends that do not fuel desperation and anxiety and have a system of belief.

At the end of the day, your marriage is a complete package and no part of it should suffer for another. Embrace every facet of your marriage today.


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Ije Woko

Ijeamaka Woko is a minister with a love for writing and a passion for young people and the family as a whole. She is married and has 3 boys. A great love for words and reading are a strong driving force for her at this time.

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