Should I Support Him or Not? – Honest Conversations on Marriage with Modupe Ehirim

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Hello and welcome to a new edition of ‘Honest Conversation’ by Modupe Ehirim. These are deep and thoughtful musings from a woman who has been married for over three decades. They are insightful, delightful and teach a lot. These posts are usually on Sundays so be sure to return next week for another installment. Look out for more Honest Conversations on Sunday or read the previous ones by clicking this link. Feel free to share this with all your friends, married and single, and you’re also welcome to leave a comment.

[media-credit id=1 align=”aligncenter” width=”640″][/media-credit]In all the time I was dating my husband he worked in one of the brewing companies. In fact we met in that company in our NYSC year. At the time we married, I had become a born again Christian. I concluded that being a born again Christian was not compatible with my husband working in a brewing company. However, the decision about where my husband worked was his, not mine. Yet, every now and again, the thought bothered me and so in my private prayers I asked God to please provide him with another job which will be more compatible with my faith. The owner of the job was meanwhile very satisfied with his job and was not seeking another.

I wanted to be a good wife, but how could I support something that was not compatible with my belief system? The earnings from this job was providing for me.

God very often just watches us. I sensed Him asking me, “Will you surrender your husband to me and just trust me?” I love the Lord and dearly wanted to please Him. So I responded, “Yes, of course.” A couple of weeks later, my husband asked me if I would pray for him to be promoted to a certain position. This was the position I had dreaded because, we would have a branded car and live within the factory complex! Now I would be going about with the brand of the brewing company stamped all over me! It was a real struggle but I recalled God’s earlier request. I eventually figured that if God was okay with it, then I ought to be okay with it too. I told my husband that I would pray for him and pray I did.

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He was promoted. The promotion came in such a way that he and I knew that it was God. I lived the company brand for another fourteen years. In those fourteen years, I learnt that I had a choice. On the one hand, I could fret and be unhappy about things that were not in my control such as the work that my husband chose to do. By so doing, I could injure my relationship by nagging and trying to manipulate him into doing what I want. On the other hand, I could accept that although it was not in my control, it was definitely within God’s control. I could then leave it in God’s control, trust Him and get on with the business of being a good wife. I chose the latter and my home was the happier for it.

Many couples have one or more of such issues in their relationship.  The trick it seems is to begin to see things in their proper perspective. It’s important to reflect on those things that are really important and to make a commitment to let go of everything else. Ask yourself the question, “Do I want my life to be about demanding that everyone else, especially the one I love agree with me, and do everything my own way?” By simply asking this question in such a direct and honest manner, the answer will be an obvious ..no.

 

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