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Spice Up Your Intimate Connection!

Written by Tayo Soniregun

When you first got married I am sure you used to have passionate sex for hours. Right? You both were fueled by desire, passion and lust. You both spent time serving, caressing and expressing your desire for one another. The desire and lust fueled the sex, not the love. Sex filled with lust and desire is hot, exciting and intense but this classification of sex will not last. The lust and desire are of new sex but soon the lust fades and now what? You both loved one another and realized all the great things that other person offers in your marriage (most of the time) but the sex was no longer super-hot and exciting. Sex had now become something you placed on your to do list and at times, sex didn’t even make it on the list for a few weeks or even a whole month.

After maybe one or two children, busy schedules, a house that needed to be clean, chores that needed to get done, a body that was feeling out of shape and not sexy at all…your sexual desire has started to disappear. This is painful and damaging to your relationship. I would have to gear up for sex.  I would tell myself tonight you are going to be intimate and you will enjoy it. You did enjoy being with your partner but you now feel disconnected and have started feeling a lot of shame and guilt.

Sex had become another thing for me to feel sad about. Another are for me to feel I am not good enough. I felt like a little girl in an adult body. I felt guilty, shameful and like I was doing something dirty and wrong. My heart ached and my marriage was suffering…emotionally, physically and spiritually. I knew that a strong sexual connection could bring back my emotional connection, my spiritual connection and strengthen my marriage to a point where it flourishes.

Sex is critical in a marriage. For a man sex creates a feeling of security, love, passion and validation that he can conquer and be the king of his castle. For a woman sex creates a feeling of connection, happiness, fulfillment and centres one in a place of serenity. When you are together long enough the lust fades and the hot, exciting, intense sex goes away. You know have a choice. Do you live with just ok sex that you have every once in a while, the kind of sex that leaves you feeling empty and disconnected or do you start digging deep and decide to build the electrifying, soul bonding sexual connection that only a husband and wife
that commit to the process can achieve?

My partner and I have the best sexual connection we have experienced in 12 years. Our sexual connection is better than the 4 hours of lovemaking that we used to achieve when we had the lust so thick you could cut it with a knife. We have an intimate connection that is soul bonding.
I have experienced being vulnerable and honest in the bedroom. I have experienced laughter, anger and tears. Sex can be and is great therapy for emotional suppression if you are open to the releasing of this emotion in such an intimate moment. Sex is a creation process. Sex is a man and woman who truly and deeply care about one another exchanging energy and being open to the creative process of becoming one. The bible says it best: Genesis 2:24~ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Sex is and will be full of excitement, desire and burning passion. We have to release our beliefs that we have created or they have been created for us. We have to open up our locked
vault and replace all the items that have no value with thoughts and beliefs of
sexual satisfaction. We are sexual beings and when we are sexually satisfied our
entire state of being shifts and we perceive things in a whole new way.

You really have to appreciate your personal journey. Every couple that has been in a long term relationship/ marriage goes through this. Start now by taking small steps to increase the sexual connection in your marriage.

We focus on the sexual connection between a husband and wife. We feel that the sexual connection controls 95% of emotions in a marriage.  This may be uncomfortable to address but sex that creates emotional satisfaction will create stability in a marriage. I will show you a step by step a how-to map. So in the next post, we will look into the 5 beliefs that may have been created in childhood that are not serving you in the bedroom.

 

Tayo Soniregun is a Relationship & Marriage Counselor, Sex Therapist and Family Life Coach and Blogger at www.ourintimatesecrets.com.