Change is what people go through and experience every now and then. People are generally products of their environment. When we say environment we speak mainly of the people that make up the sphere of influence around a person. Whether we know it or not, accept it or not we are constantly being influenced, good or bad, by the people we live with, associate with, interact with or do business with. These people rub off on us and unconsciously values and/or vices are picked. This goes on throughout life.
[one_fourth last=”no”]Instead of focusing on his need to change perhaps you should instead focus on those areas of your life that need adjustment in the light of this marriage[/one_fourth]
Now, as a woman, you know very well (or at least you have heard it said) that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. If you know so and believe so then you know that as a woman and especially as a wife you have the power of influence (at least in your home). How do you use it? Now, before I land you may begin to think “well, yes, I have influence over the children but not on this man I call my husband”. But before you think or say more, I want you to know that that power of influence – which is God-given – extends over your husband too, unless you don’t realise you have it or don’t know how to use it. Such ignorance can lead to misuse and abuse.
Below, I have outlined a few steps which can help you change your husband into the man you need.
Steps to changing your husband:
1. Know the purpose of God for your life and for your home
I sincerely hope you took the time to discover this before you married him. What is your role in his life? Why did God bring him into your life and you into his? Sure, God must have a plan. Until you know this plan it is likely that the change you seek in your husband is such that will conform to your wishes and caprices and not the one that will bring him (both of you) to conformity with God’s plan for your lives and home.
This could be hard (actually, for most women it is hard) but God always helps those who desire to make a difference in their home. It is God that will help you because it can’t be easy for a lady who lived an independent life to suddenly ‘give up’ her independence to another. But it is in submission that you can stoop to conquer. Many women have wrapped their husbands round their little fingers and they were able to accomplish that feat only by their submission.
3. Make adjustments
You can’t continue with the same lifestyle you maintained before marriage. Instead of focusing on his need to change perhaps you should instead focus on those areas of your life that need adjustment in the light of this marriage. Some people resist shifting their grounds due to selfishness. You hear them say ‘this is how I am and I have always been like that’. Very often as the wife is working on herself the husband is unconsciously responding to his wife and thereby also changing. Subsequently they are both conforming to each other.
4. Address those things that matter to your husband even if they seem insignificant to you
These could be things like sport, food, sex, etc. These defer from person to person and you should know best what matters to your husband. Don’t deprive him, particularly if your meeting that need gives him pleasure.
5. Just love him and keep loving him
Do this despite those annoying habits, faults or mannerisms that you would love for him to change; and do not nag. For many men, the more you nag or ‘correct’ the more they resist change. The ego in them projects itself to ‘prove’ that he is the man in this house, he is in charge and calls the shots. So what do you do? Just love him and allow God to help you see and appreciate his strengths above the faults. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love always wins. Love will always conquer. Love will bring your husband right where you want him.
This article was written by Naomi Famonure for NaijaHousewives.com. It was written in reply to a question asked by a member of the Naija Housewives community on Facebook. Naomi is a wife, mother and grandmother and she is also the author of two books on marriage and parenting. To get in touch with her, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.