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We have all heard the saying that it is impossible to change a man. And yet, here we are, peering at this page wondering if perhaps, the impossible is about to be achieved. Well, we have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that they (whoever they are) were right; YOU can’t change a man. BUT the good news is that if a man is sufficiently motivated, he will change for you. So instead of asking how do I change this man? The real question you should ask is:
How do I motivate him enough to change?
And that’s what we want to touch on with this post.
This post was actually inspired by a member of the Naija Housewives community on Facebook. Here is the original question she asked:
“Hi to all mothers in the house, please I need your answer to this question; in a situation where a husband is doing something his wife does not like and the wife always tells him but he refuses to change, what can the wife do?”
5 Things a Wife Can Do To Motivate Change
1. Treat him with respect
Let’s be honest, lots of us have trouble with respecting our men. It isn’t intentional and most of the time, we really think we are respecting him the way we know how. Has your husband ever turned to you and said “You don’t have respect for me,” or something similar? If you’ve heard him say something like that, then it’s time for you to do something about it. Search yourself very well, are you letting your frustration with him show in public or in front of his family and friends? Most men can’t really stand that and if you’re doing it, you need to stop now.
Another thing to note is how he perceives respect. This will often be closely tied to his love language. Oh, do you know his love language? If you don’t never fear…go read this post now.
Remember that when a man feels that you respect and honour him, he is more likely to want to please you.
2. Prepare his favourite meals for him
“The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
This is a popular saying around the world; it is one which seemed really popular with our mothers and was most likely a source of irritation whenever they sang it to our hearing. But guess what? There is some truth in that saying. Actually, there is plenty truth in the saying.
Just imagine this scenario: a man comes into the house from work, his wife goes to greet him and makes him comfortable. Then she serves him his favourite meal and waits on him, serving him water to drink, to wash his hands, etc. Just imagine how much more amenable to your suggestions such a man would be. I know this burns your tiny little feminist hearts, but if your man is a Nigerian man, ehm…maybe you might want to send your feminism into temporary retirement for a while.
Note: If you are not in the habit of waiting on your husband, you might want to do this for several days before you mention what is bothering you. Oh, and there’s no harm if you keep on doing it.
3. Give a good account of yourself in the bedroom
We are Africans; more than that, most of us who read this site are Nigerian and we do not like to speak of these things. You know…things like S-E-X. But what is a marriage without it? No, sex does not make a marriage, but without it, you guys are just flatmates.
So back to the issue at hand…there is something about sex that works wonders on a man. We’re still researching this at the Naija Housewives’ labs and so we can’t give you much details, but seriously, it takes them from foul mood to amazing mood in almost no time at all. This is a way couples bond, so give that man something to bond over!
Note: We are not in any way advocating that you use sex to control your man; as a matter of fact, we at Naija Housewives detest it when people use sex as a manipulative tool. It was created to give you both pleasure. Focus on his pleasure and he’ll want to make you happy.
4. If he’s been after you to change, now would be a good time
It’s easier to see the speck of dust in a person’s eyes than the log of wood in ours’. So it’s easy to ask your man to change and then to get angry (or disappointed) when he doesn’t, but have you ever thought that maybe there is a lot you also need to change? And if he has complained about stuff he would like you to change, things you did not believe were a problem, well, you might want to think about looking into those things. It is unfair to expect from someone (your husband in this case), what you are not willing to give.
5. Be the best wife you can be to him
And finally, learn to put your man before you. His happiness should be more important to you than yours. On another note, your happiness should be more important to him than his, but we’re talking to us, women.
Forget about how he’s not the perfect husband, or the times he slipped up. Be the best wife you possibly can be for him.
With these tips, it’s hard to see how a good man would not be motivated to change for you.
Hope you enjoyed this post. If you have ant questions or comments, feel free to use the comments box below this article, or contact us and we’ll be right around the corner.