This article is birthed from discussions with friends and other Nigerian wives. It may surprise a few of us to hear these yearnings and probably a few may identify with them. In this first part, we will mention the yearnings of a Nigerian housewife and in the second part how to get around them.
“I wish to be seen as more than an achievement!”
The understanding or do I say perspective is that men get married as a sign that they have arrived or that it is time to do so. They say that after courting them and getting married it seems they are no longer friends, but a point of reference “That is my wife!” and the people around give a pat on the back.
“I wish he did not marry me to stop the ‘Burning’! ”
For others, they were married so that the husbands do not find themselves “sinning”. Common with quite a few Christians, as Paul advised “marry so you do not burn”. These women feel they are just there to satisfy their husbands’ sexual needs.
“I wish I could tell him- I am supposed to enjoy it too!”
Culturally it is a taboo for a woman to enjoy sex, and funnily enough, not just in Nigeria. In quite a few places long ago, the mother advised the daughter to lie back and “endure it” as the man needs to satisfy himself.
Now as women a greater understanding and awareness exists, but, how do you tell your husband without him feeling you are “spoilt”.
“I would like to be the most important thing to him!”
Work, work, work! That is the song for most men and the wives yearn for something more. Why does it seem he puts work before everything else? What have I done to cause this?
It does not matter the profession of your husband; lawyer, doctor, pastor businessman, it seems a deep cry for many women.
“I would like to be financially independent!”
Many women now desire financial independence. It is not as before women would like to go out and earn a living. For many of them the reasons are not ostentatious but rather to be able to help the parents and family, without necessarily asking hubby for assistance.
There are women that actually work and give everything to their husbands and the husbands take it all and the wives go to them for their every need.
“I wish my husband would stop cheating on me!”
I have heard women say “Every man is unfaithful to his wife.” Hmm… I guess if that is your mindset then this wish will always be just that a wish. There are women who know their husbands escapades and seem powerless but to utter this plea.
“I wish I could find someone who really loves me!”
A cry out for the need to feel wanted, appreciated and loved by someone, anyone. Quite a few women yearn for that feeling now.
This is deep, right? If you know someone, or can identify with these, then know you are not alone. We will try to address how a Nigerian housewife can handle these next week.