Should You Argue in the Presence of Your Children?

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Arguing before children

Arguing before children, this is something that is a dilemma for most married couples. For every marriage coach or counsellor you ask, you will get as many responses. The truth is that regardless of what we tell ourselves, there are times we can’t help arguing in the presence of the children. But should this be normal? Marriage coach, ZeeZee in her article decided that arguing before children could really hurt them.

According to her, when her eight year old daughter heard them arguing, she became worried. ZeeZee noted that she and her husband made a discovery:


“This made us both realize that even our little heated conflicts, impact our children a lot deeper than we realize.

This is why as much as it’s within your control, avoid arguing in front of your kids.  I’ll add a caveat to this statement by saying I do realize that this is extremely difficult in certain situations. However, that said, we must adopt a conscious mindset not to do it, no matter what.  We tend to act on things we make a focused effort to be conscious of.  This has led to my husband and I making a pact to not argue in front of the kids no matter what.”


I tend to agree with her somewhat.


When my husband and I began dating, I realized that every little quarrel had devastating effects on him. He wanted to go somewhere, I didn’t and he would feel like the world was crashing in on him…like we were on the verge of breaking up. I later got to know that his parents NEVER argued before the children. Not really. So arguing was foreign to him.


I think arguing before children is something parents should do, but only if they have learnt how to disagree and resolve their conflicts in a healthy way.

I strongly believe that a couple needs to learn how to argue and disagree in a way that shows they respect each other. This means no name-calling or hurtful words. We can’t all agree about everything, we just have to find a way to reach a place of compromise and that is often where arguments come in. My parents argued quite often, but we never doubted their love for each other and it taught us children how to quarrel, settle the matter and move on.


As a matter of fact, a recent study found that “The scientists found that those who had reported seeing their parents and other family members arguing as children had a lower stress response when discussing the conflict with their partners.”


If you find that you are unable to argue without bitterness and without hurting the other person in the process, then I agree completely that you should probably not be arguing in the presence of your children.


But what do you think? Is arguing before children the best way to go?





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