Hello Naija Housewives, I decided to bring this issue to you, maybe you can advise me on what to do.
About four years ago I got married to my boyfriend from university. We had been dating for about three years before we finally got married; I had just finished my youth service then and as I went to a private university, I was only 22 when we got married. A few months after our wedding, he got a visa to visit the United States. He had been trying for so long to relocate and it hadn’t worked, so we saw this opening as a miracle. The arrangement was that he would go, and once he settled down a little bit, then he would send for me. At that time I thought that this would take maybe six months or one year at the highest.
For the first few months, things were going on well. He called often and we always exchanged emails. Not up to three months after he left, I found out I was pregnant. He was very happy about that and would always ask about his baby. Then after a while, he wasn’t calling so often again. When I complained, he said it’s because he was trying to settle some things.
Not long after, one of my friends from school called me out of the blues. According to her, she saw my hubby with an onyibo woman. Okay…I decided not to panic. I didn’t want to be believing things about my husband anyway. I was almost due with my baby I didn’t want heart attack so I didn’t mention anything till after I put to bed. Then I got another call again from someone else and this time, I heard he was actually living with the white woman. I tried his phone and it wasn’t going through so I waited till he called. When he called I took him up on it and he admitted that he had married a white woman. I began to cry on the phone…how could he do that to me? I didn’t know where to start from. He calmed me down and said it was only for papers that everyone did it there and it was only arrangee. That the woman was being paid and it was just a business contract.
My mind wasn’t at ease, but he assured me he still loved me and so I decided to let things lie. He promised that once he got his papers, he would send for me and our child. Well, not too long after that, I could not reach him on the phone anymore. His calls became less and less frequent. Next thing I heard was that my hubby’s ‘business contract’ wife was pregnant for him. I sent him a long mail which he didn’t reply. I called everyone I knew and begged them to ask him to call me. After almost six months of going crazy, he finally called. I didn’t know what to say when he did and so I began to cry. He had been gone by this time for almost two years. He begged me and said the woman had blackmailed him and that didn’t have a choice. I didn’t understand and cut the line.
I haven’t spoken with my husband since then. He has tried to reach me, but I’m not really interested in anything he has to say. If he wants to talk to me, he should come back home. Ah ahn, is it by force to stay in Yankee? Recently my sister-in law traveled to the US. When she got back she told me that my hubby’s wife is now pregnant with a second child. She even showed me the pictures of the first child. I saw pictures of my husband, he didn’t look like someone anyone was forcing or blackmailing to do anything. He looked happy to me. She tried to assure me that his papers were almost ready and he still intended to send for me.
I’ve been without my husband for over three years now. I don’t know what to do. No one has ever divorced in our family, it will bring shame to my parents. I still love my husband, but I don’t know if it’s just a memory that I love self. Please people, what advice do you have for me? Thank you.