Hurtful Words to Avoid
Growing up with 2 younger brothers, my mother would always tell me to say “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can’t hurt me” whenever my brothers said something hurtful. As I grew older, I learnt that “words” can hurt you.
In relationships, words are our major means of communication and we need to seriously think before we speak. Once we do speak we cannot gather them back and put them away. Sometimes it is not about the words per se but how we say them. In my relationship with my husband, his mantra has been “it is not what you said, but how you said it” and I have come to see that both work hand in glove to become either healing or hurtful words.
Below are words we should avoid telling our spouses as they are hurtful no matter how you may say them:
I will leave you!
I have heard this threat from so many women that when I hear it now I simply smile. Why do you think that saying those words will permanently change any situation you have with your spouse? And most times we say it we do not mean it. No matter your thoughts when saying it, these words sting your partner.
He loses trust and faith in you when you tell him that, especially when you do not ever carry it through. There will always be a feeling that you are being unfaithful hence your outburst, or, you plan to be.
You are a *****!
Calling your spouse hurtful names is no way to go, even in terrible anger. No matter how you may apologise after, it sticks. I really do not know how you gain satisfaction by insulting someone, but please find another way to relieve your irritation.
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Your family is… Your mother is…!
It does not matter how they may grate on your nerves, keep it to yourself. From experience, even when my husband is upset about something his brother or sister did, I do not add my voice to it, because it always backfires. Blood is really thicker than water.
You can’t do that! or Do not do this!
We must learn that there are words we do not use on our spouses. Unless you are talking to your child, please do not “command” because you seriously hurt your spouse by doing that. The truth is, you are not the “boss” of your partner.
Appeal to their understanding, let them know how you feel when the particular thing is done.
You are making a big deal of NOTHING!
Nothing? Did you really just say Nothing? In the words of my son “Ouch, that hurt!” The mere fact that the person is talking about it shows that it means something to him. It is a way of diminishing your partner’s feelings, people really cannot help their feelings about certain things, so be understanding in dealing with the feelings.
You always… or You never…!
Ladies! Famous words, because we seem to be taking the score of those mistakes. This statement makes your husband shut down. This exaggeration only gets your partner’s back up in defence to prove it is not always or never.
Let our words and nuances be seasoned. Your use of words in the home will model an example for your children. Kind words go a long way in touching and transforming lives! Be the change today.